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Literature Review: Mindfulness for intimate relationships

Writer's picture: Caroline EstesCaroline Estes

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Can a yoga practice that teaches mindful communication strategies impact/change relationship satisfaction?  The following research analysis hopes to answer that question. 


Literature Review: Mindfulness for Married Communicators

A Deeper Look into Mind-Body Practices and the Impact on Marital Satisfaction

Caroline Estes Arizona State University



Introduction

Interpersonal relationships often require one partner to listen with compassion and empathy in order to communicate a sense of feeling heard to the speaker (Griffin, Ledbetter, & Sparks, 2015).  According to marriage researchers, one partner displaying positive emotions during marital conflict is a predictor of marital satisfaction six years into marriage (Driver & Gottman, 2004).  When both members of the relationship display ineffective communication strategies, the quality of the relationship deteriorates over time (Prentice, 2010).  As a result of ineffective communication strategies, the relationships seem less-than-satisfying for one or both partners.  Poor communication skills, especially poor listening, can lead to ongoing tensions that wreak havoc if not managed properly (Erbert, 2000).  Additionally, how each member of the marriage dyad perceives the other during communication determines satisfaction (Alberts et al., 2012).  Just as personal identity influences how couples view each other, the identity projected onto them by their spouse influences self-esteem.  Since communication, perception, and identity are intertwined, taking a mind-body approach to marital interactions can convey a positive sense of coupling (Alberts et al., 2012).  How can couples increase relationship satisfaction?  By learning to communicate with patience, kindness, gentleness, and respect (Diamond, 2007). Committed couples must collectively and individually engage in regular practices that quiet negative perceptions.  What a couple feels, hears, sees, and says while interacting creates perception and influences communication.  Can a yoga practice that teaches mindful communication strategies impact/change relationship satisfaction?  The following research analysis hopes to answer that question.  Communication skills are integral in marriage, and committed couples seek solutions to develop relationship satisfaction over the course of a lifetime.  The objective of this literature review is to give couples an introductory definition of mindful listening through the lens of yoga.  Then, to test how applying yogic principles such as mindful listening and meditation can aid in interpersonal communication between romantic partners.  

Synthesis of Scholarship

The qualitative studies reviewed in this paper are organized using 'thematic synthesis'  to explore the subject of this paper.  Although scholars agree that poor communication is the main factor contributing to marital dissatisfaction, the debate continues on what strategies may be applied to manage conflict best and engage the couple in healthy communication (Cahn & Abigail, 2014).  One scholar, Erbert, states that interaction within the relationship dyad impacts relational satisfaction to the greatest extent (2000).  Baxter and Montgomery refer to this interaction as occurring within the relationship dyad called internal dialectics (2009).   Prentice explores how dialectical tensions may strain communication in newly-wed relationships and asks how individuals manage these tensions (2009).  Scholars also differ on whether internal or external dialectics have the greatest impact on relationship satisfaction within marriage (Erberts, 2000, & Prentice, 2009).  New studies reveal the positive impact of individual mindfulness practices on relationship satisfaction and improved communication skills (Gambrel & Keeling, 2010), which can reduce tension within the relationship dyad (Prentice, 2009).  Lastly, each study conducted by Alberts, Lavner, Bradbury & Karney, Gambrel & Keeling, and Prentice claims that mindfulness is an integral practice for communicators in any relationship.  Each scholar alludes to or directly states that mindfulness strategies improve communication between partners, which benefits the marriage relationship as a whole.  Chong et al. Introduces the importance of yoga practice and other mind-body practices on reducing stress and improving relationship health.  Scholars Nakamachi, Yamaguchi, Konishi, Haruki, & Oga believe that mindful yoga practice improves personal health by drawing practitioners out of the hyper-vigilant state of fight or flight and into a state of quiet observation and rest during communication transactions (2012).  The following qualitative research is narrow and is specific to a particular context, time, and group of participants.  It must be noted that each group interviewed or assessed by the various study authors were able-bodied adults ages 18-65.  Of the married groups, couples assessed were married for less than six years, and a majority had heteronormative relationships.  This impacts the scope and application of mindfulness, yoga, and meditation as communication strategies and the foundation of relational dialectics theory within this paper. Adaptive communication techniques are needed for newlyweds to see that interpersonal relationship satisfaction improves over time (Lavner, Karney, & Bradbury, 2016).

The two opposites work together to produce enduring results in communication and satisfying relationships.  Sthira teaches couples to persevere with fire to hold steady in body and mind for extended periods (Desikachar, 1996).  Sukham’s principles can teach couples contentment with the present, gentleness, and peace.

Dialectical Tension in Longterm Intimate Partnerships

Relationships are fun experiences, and even though spouses experience communication conflict, they can eventually find the result of some suffering rewarding (Erbert, 2000). Dialectical tensions are inevitable in communication. While dialectical tensions are contradictions by nature, Baxter and Montgomery point out how tensions can be constructive to interpersonal relationship satisfaction (1996).  In yoga, this is referred to as sthira sukham (asanam), the balance between effort and ease (Desikachar, 2009).  A long-term intimate partnership is challenging and rewarding, leading partners to feel discomfort and growth.  Much like Baxter and Montgomery’s research focused on dialectical tensions in communication studies, sthira sukham asanam are the exact opposites that are essential for relational health and sustainability (1996).  In marriage, spouses are often plagued by opposing forces in practical life and work.  The work is accurate, and the reward is sthira and sukham, and eventually, it is bliss or samadhi (Desikachar, 1995).  The two opposites work together to produce enduring results in communication and satisfying relationships.  Sthira teaches couples to persevere with fire to hold steady in body and mind for extended periods (Desikachar, 1996).  Sukham’s principles can teach couples contentment with the present, gentleness, and peace.  Couples who apply the lessons of sthira sukham can quiet the restlessness of their mind and listen empathically to an uncomfortable conversation with their spouse (Nakamachi, Yamaguchi, Konishi, Haruki, & Oga, 2012).  One study conducted by Baxter and Montgomery argues that internal dialectics have the greatest effect on relational satisfaction.  Another survey by Erbert also suggests that communication within the relationship dyad is the most significant contributing factor impacting relational satisfaction (2000).  Erberts’ study examines how a married partner’s perception of autonomy-connectedness impacts marital satisfaction.  Erbert analyses how couples manage interpersonal conflicts while satisfying relationship goals (2000).  


Interestingly, Erbert’s study concludes that married partners seek relational connectedness even if it significantly limits autonomy (2000).  In contrast, Baxter and Montgomery believe favoring one force in a dialectical tension can lead to relational distress (2004).  Since the intended research wants to reveal how stress reduction techniques and mindfulness impact relationships, it is important to note the difference from the theoretical perspective.  Baxter and Montgomery believe the dialectical tensions must remain equal and opposite. Prentice and Erbert see the benefit to one side of the tensions receiving more favor within a married relationship (2004; 2000; 2010). Future studies may reveal that yoga is a communication strategy that models relational dialectics theory. The communication strategies and actions taught in yoga impact the practitioner as well as others. Thus, yoga changes how communicators relate to one another in marriage (Blinne, 2014). 


Yoga as a Communication Strategy

2014, more than 20 million Americans practiced yoga (Blinne, 2014).  Two years later Yoga Journal completed a follow-up survey that revealed 36.7 million Americans participate in one form of yoga or another; that is a 180% increase in participation (2016).  Yoga Journal shares that a leading motivator for Americans in yoga is stress relief and fitness (2016).  Interestingly, studies show that a leading communication strategy is stress reduction for communicators (Alberts, 2012).  Americans are already showing receptivity to yoga as a tool for stress reduction.  The clinical therapy community is also receptive to the application of Mindfulness-based stress reduction for chronic pain in clinical settings (UMass, 2018).  If married couples learn mindfulness strategies through yoga and apply these strategies to communication, then marital satisfaction/ relationship health should improve.  Research shows that people who identify as part of a married couple apply various communication strategies to achieve flexible attitudes towards each partner (Prentice, 2009).  A married couple is a culturally recognized union of two people with an interpersonal relationship who share/interact in day-to-day activities for a long-term commitment.  Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), Hatha Yoga, and Kriya meditation are three applicable techniques for acquiring mindfulness as an individual or couple (Gotink, Meijboom, Vernooij, Smits, & Hunink, 2016).  Factors other than communication serve as catalysts for changing marital satisfaction, such as perceived intimacy and trust (Lavner, Karney, & Bradbury, 2016).

Meditation can improve listening skills, impacting each partner’s relationship satisfaction and degree of perceived intimacy (Alberts, Nakayama, & Martin, 2012).  When a couple feels disconnected, it will not function optimally (Alberts et al., 2012).  The outcome of a yoga practice is the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind to realize humanity’s true nature and original goodness (Desikachar, 1995).  When partners still chatter within their own thoughts, then they become active and receptive listeners.  Individuals who listen with compassion and an open mind are showing respect for their partner’s right to communication (Alberts et al., 2012).  Additionally, yoga practitioners improve communication skills, such as clear speech from diaphragmatic breathing and reduced body tension (Gotnik et a., 2016).

Can married partners who apply the principles of yoga as a communication strategy find the necessary balance to manage these dialectical tensions, thus improving overall marriage satisfaction?  Looking to research mindful practices such as yoga and how the practices improve communication in families, yoga offers the tools many couples are seeking.  The truth is that marital relationships can be better and stronger than most couples realize. In fact, complex and seemingly hopeless marital relationships have been transformed by applying communication theories and techniques (Driver & Gottman, 2004).  Yoga as communication is a lifestyle that aims to help bridge the gap between what couples communicate externally and how the individual is seen, heard, and perceived (Blinne, 2014). 

Since individuals vary in their perceptions, making assumptions about another’s experience of a communication transaction violates trust and understanding

Mindfulness and MBSR

According to the UMass Amherst Center for Mindfulness, mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where one’s self is and what one’s self is doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on externally (2018).  Communication scholars can also define mindfulness as selective attention, where one is consciously attending to a narrow percentage of internal and external sensory information (Alberts et al., 2010).  Mindfulness espouses Buddhist, Christian, and Yogic wisdom. However, most clinical practices remove all religious or spiritual associations (Gotink et al., 2016).  It is up to the couple whether or not a new mindfulness practice will be secular or Spiritual.  Keeling and Gambrel argue that mindfulness may help couples improve communication through non-judgemental awareness (2010).  Awareness is defined as one’s ability to pay attention to the present moment (Brown, Ryan, & Creswell, 2007).  Yoga practice teaches couples mindfulness skills to relate in new ways to outside stimuli and other challenges (Crane et al., 2017).  Plainly spoken, mindfulness helps communicators adapt to change, which, according to Baxter, is inevitable in romantic relationships (2004).  Mindfulness means awareness complemented by acceptance, kindness, and openness (Keeling & Gambrel, 2010).  Mindfulness has been proven to help individual functioning in a wide variety of clinical and community settings. 


 Mindfulness practices help married partners carefully regulate perceptions on a moment-by-moment basis. Since individuals vary in their perceptions even within a marriage dyad, making assumptions about another’s experience of a communication transaction violates trust and understanding (Cahn & Abigail, 2014).  Regulating perceptions and checking in with one’s spouse to compare perceptions is a mindfulness practice designed to support interpersonal relationship satisfaction (Alberts et al., 2012).  Communication skills such as adapting to change, regulating perceptions, and checking in reduce conflict and benefit the marriage relationship as a whole (Cahn & Abigail, 2014).  Mindfulness practices such as yoga, Meditation, and MBSR cultivate compassionate communication and listening with awareness (Crane, Brewer, Feldman, Kabat-Zinn, Santorelli, Williams, & Kuyken, 2017).  These mindfulness practices also reduce stress and interpersonal conflict.


Yoga and Meditation

Yoga citta vritti nirodha is one of the first teachings of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, meaning yoga is calming the mind’s chatter (Desikachar, 1995).  While in America, the term yoga has become virtually synonymous with hatha yoga, in India, the term refers to a much more comprehensive range of rituals, philosophies, and practices that may include no asana practice at all (Nakamachi et al., 2012).  Yoga is a mind-body intervention tracing lineage to India over 4000 years ago (Desikachar, 1995).  Yoga is derived from the Sanskrit word Yuj, meaning "to unite" or "to yoke. Yoga practices have been increasingly utilized as a form of mind-body therapy in the West.  Yoga practice has similar effects on awareness, compassion, and empathic communication as Zen Buddhism, tai chi, and Qi Gong (Chong, Tsunaka, Tsang, Chan, & Cheung, 2011).  The review conducted by Chong et al. shows yoga as a mindful exercise program as an effective stress reducer in 6 studies (2011).  Integrating body, breath, movement, and mindful awareness promotes an understanding of the interdependency of communication and interpersonal relationship satisfaction.

 Practitioners of all levels can begin employing simple breathing exercises to draw attention inward, seeking sthira sukham, and quieting negative thought patterns (Nakamachi et al., 2012).  A specific Yoga path is Kriya Meditation (Chidananda, 2020).  The path of Kriya yoga is to find peace and divine consciousness, which provides a way for the practitioner to develop nourishing relationships with loved ones and the self (Chidananda, 2020).  Paramahansa Yogananda brought these teachings from India in 1920, and for 100 years, his personal instructions on how to practice the science of Kriya Yoga meditation have been made available through Self-Realization Fellowship Lessons and Yogoda Satsanga Society of India (Chidananda, 2020).  Since fluctuations of mind and behavior interfere with one’s ability to develop nourishing relationships, a Kriya practice can bring about higher-mindedness for couples.  Yoga teaches practitioners to quiet the mind and open the heart, carefully navigating the challenges of romantic interpersonal relationships.  Integrating the ancient sciences of mindfulness, meditation,  and hatha yoga is one way to help clients enhance the joys of intimate relationships, reducing fluctuations of internal dialectical tensions (Nakamachi et al., 2012).  Studies interpreted by Chong et al. included Kriya Yoga, Hatha Yoga, and relaxation techniques in comparison to non-mind body practices (2011). Practitioners were generally healthy adults ages 18-65 (Chong et al., 2011). 

One mantra meditation example is the repeating of the Sanskrit chant “Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu,” which loosely translates to “May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all” (UMass, 2018).  This mantra meditation reminds speakers that all humans are connected.  How one member of the marriage dyad communicates contributes to the emotional and spiritual health of the other and vice versa.  By cultivating this style of mindfulness practice, married partners are reminded of the benefits of a life-long commitment to their partner (Gottman, Coan, Swanson, & Carrere, 1998).


More studies must be conducted to follow up with yoga practitioners for longer periods.  To determine how yoga helps couples maintain mindful awareness during communication, studies need to be conducted that follow married couples for no less than six years with a dependent variable group that does not incorporate any mind-body or mindfulness practices.  Study participants must take satisfaction surveys before beginning a study and every eight weeks throughout.  Additionally, only non-physically disabled adults were included in the yoga studies. 

Imagine these tensions as a tug-of-war, where each end of the rope is drawn in opposite directions, and yet neither side wins .  On the first hand are internal dialectics, viewed as ongoing tensions within an interpersonal relationship.  The other hand holds the external dialectics, ongoing tensions between a couple and their community

Relational Dialectics

 How can couples manage the powerful and unseen forces that impact personal communication? Communication Scholar Baxter has set the framework for a communication theory that encourages dialogue between contradictory tendencies inside the relationship rather than a monologue from one spouse speaking “at” the other (Griffin, 2014, p. 146).  Imagine these tensions as a tug-of-war, where each end of the rope is drawn in opposite directions, and yet neither side wins (Estes, 2015).  On the first hand are internal dialectics, viewed as ongoing tensions within an interpersonal relationship.  The other hand holds the external dialectics, ongoing tensions between a couple and their community (Baxter & Montgomery, 2009).  While many communication experts point to stability as the goal of relational success, Baxter and Montgomery believe all relations are in constant flux, and it is useless to focus on stability; they believe it is more important to work on managing these tensions to obtain relationship satisfaction (Griffin, Ledbetter, & Sparks, 2014, p. 138).  However, changing the fluctuations within one’s own thoughts can improve listening skills and thus reduce extreme dialectic changes that produce distress within the relationship dyad (Erbert, 2000). 

Mindfulness practices teach couples to navigate the ebb and flow of the relationship, which delivers lasting change and satisfaction compared to improved communication alone (Lavner et al., 2016).  Brown and Ryan conducted research using the Mindful Attention Awareness Scale to quantify mindful practices (MAAS, 2003).  The study noted a positive correlation between mindful practices and an ability to identify emotions and communicate them to others, and it compared this to a survey measuring empathy (Brown, 2003).  The authors found a significant relationship between mindfulness and one’s ability to identify emotions and communicate them to others.  These results suggest that those individuals who are higher in mindfulness also have an increased ability to regulate emotions, communicate feelings to others, and relate to a partner’s feelings and experiences (Burpee & Langer, 2005).  It must be noted that the natural propensity of dialectical forces of “both/and” guarantees that human relationships will always be complex, uncoordinated, and somewhat taught, as the rope in the opening metaphor (Griffin, 2014).  Sthira Sukham connotes that the rope is not unraveling under these pressures, nor is it giving way to one side; instead, the rope is comfortably held on each side with static and dynamic force.  If couples can find the balance between effort and ease, comfort and discomfort, autonomy and closeness, then satisfaction within the relationship dyad will increase (Prentice, 2010).


Communication

Interpersonal communication is a transactional process through which people generate meaning through verbal and nonverbal messages/behaviors in specific contexts influenced by outside forces and cultural expectations (Alberts et al., 2014).  Communication requires listening to messages, filtering outside noise, navigating stimuli, and sharing meaning through dialogue and experiences. Communication is central to relationship maintenance practices (Erber, 2000).  MBSR is a tested tool that supports congruent communication (UMass, 2018). This helps people to connect more deeply to themselves and to loved ones.  Congruence is when an individual connects to internal experiences while simultaneously relating to another with vulnerability (Gambrel & Keeling, 2010). 

Driver and Gottman found that verbally instructing the marital dyad to be positive does not lead to positive interactions between partners (2004).  However,  teaching participants to cultivate a yoga practice of joy, peace, and compassion can influence positive emotions (Brown et al., 2007).  Decades of studies indicate that distressed married couples apply negative communication strategies more frequently than positive communication strategies during conflict management than satisfied couples (Bradbury & Karney, 2013).  These studies concluded that increased mindfulness practices lead to more effective communication within the married relationship dyad (Gambrel & Keeling, 2010).  Driver and Gottman state that couples who apply MBSR’s positive emotional maintenance practices, such as listening mindfully, turn-taking, and congruent communication, enjoy higher relationship quality (2004).

Conclusion and Future Study

Many studies reveal mindfulness as an effective communication strategy when used within marriage relationships (Gotink et al., 2016).  These studies show significant correlations between mindfulness practices and relationship satisfaction (Gambrel & Keeling, 2010).  However, these hypotheses have yet to be confirmed by future studies. In order to confirm the correlations between satisfaction and communication, the independent variables must be analyzed and tested repeatedly (Merrigan & Huston, 2019).  To adequately test theories regarding relationship change, variables must also be reviewed simultaneously with satisfaction over time (Lavner et al., 2016)Tested correlations can provide a foundation for future experimental research relating mindful communication strategies to long-term marital satisfaction (Wood, Moore, Clarkwest, & Killewald, 2014).  However, more studies need to be completed on various socio-economic groups, races, non-heterosexual marriages, and ages to support this research ethically (Wood et al., 2014).  Additionally, it is important to note that correlation does not determine causation (Merrigan & Huston, 2014).  Thus, more research is needed to test other potential factors that may lead to improved marital satisfaction within each study.  Variables other than mindfulness may cause relationship satisfaction to change, even though mindfulness correlates to improved communication and relationship satisfaction (Gotink et al., 2016).  Finally, future sampling methods for studies involving mindful communication and marriage satisfaction also need randomization of reliable and valid data collection tools.  No studies have followed non-heteronormative married couples for more than ten months.  Thus, more research must be conducted for the lifetime of marriage to accurately measure the impact of lifelong (>50 yrs) mindfulness/mind-body practices on an interpersonal relationship dyad that is intended to last a lifetime (> 50 years).  Selection bias is still a factor impacting the strength of the reviewed research claims. Content validity might lack many variables that constitute satisfactory interaction within the marriage dyad. Future studies ought to clarify the relationship between communication and marital satisfaction to further understanding of the association (Lavner et al., 2016).  The studies reviewed agree about what is known regarding mindfulness, interpersonal relationship satisfaction, and communication.  The findings from this literature review suggest that yoga is as effective as other stress reduction and mindfulness techniques in improving marital satisfaction, but future studies are required to support this hypothesis.



RQ: Does a mindfulness practice have the ability to improve communication effectiveness between romantic partners/couples?


Does a mindfulness(IV) practice have the ability to improve communication effectiveness(DV) for married couples?


Communication effectiveness= Dependent variableMindfulness practice= Independent variable.

Marital satisfaction = dependent variable

Mindful practice, ie: yoga = independent variable


RQ 1: Does mindfulness practice have the ability to improve communication effectiveness in marital relationships?RQ 2: Does mindful communication improve satisfaction in marital relationships?



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